Do you ever feel as though you blend in too easily?

In October 2008 I gave birth to our first son. It changed my life so dramatically; everything was instantly different. Until then I had been at University, finishing my much-wanted degree with so many plans for the future. So many possibilities and doors were open to me; then WHAM. All gone in a blink.

Suddenly I became a mother. Sorry,a Mother.

Why the capitalisation?

Well, I suppose that it irks, nay, really pisses me off that just because I have had a baby that suddenly that's all I am.

I have spent a lot of my life being the strong one, the patient one, the energetic and bubbly one. Clever, talented, confident, finds it easy to make friends.

I still had all of this, of course, but it fell by the wayside in terms of the horrid post-natal depression amongst other things. Which wasn't helped by the fact that nobody tends to see past the label of 'motherhood'.

I have to admit, I struggled with this a lot ( I still do in a way, but have become more thick-skinned as time goes on). Nobody sees the potential, the skill, the sheer relentless energy and talent involved in looking after a small child.

I have gained new reserves of energy and strength that I never knew I had. I also faced my weaknesses in ways that I never knew I could, or would ever have to. Having children, it just rips you apat and then puts you back together again very slowly. Everything you thought you knew is wrong, everything you believed to be relevant, is no longer.

You will find it again. It will come. You will build yourself up to new heights which never seemed possible from your lowest moments on the kitchen floor crying your eyes out.

I now have a second son, who is nearly a year old. This year I have been to hell and back (in a different way, as I knew what was coming).

This time I have been prepared for the stereotyping, the labels, the prejudice. It still nips at times, but I can take it.

I have skill, I have talent, I have done a hell of a lot with my life so far. For all of those people who think I should be out there stuck in 9-5 or working or 'doing something finally' with my life, who cannot see what I have done to myself, my body, my confidence, my very soul in order to make these two gorgeous boys and do my very best for them, just see what I can do.

I am young and able and I have a great family and my whole life ahead of me. Sometimes I think I should fit into other people's templates for a 'good life'. But no matter what I do, nothing will ever be good enough.

If there's one thing I have learned from all of this, it is that only you can make yourself happy. Nobody is going to do it for you.

And all of those people who flit in and out of your life will only see what they want to see. You are the full story. They are only a small chapter, no, a paragraph.

Only you will be in the book all the way through to the end.

Ninjas blend in and wait for the opportune moment...